"Why demand perfection
if you can't offer it?"
-- Alan Cohen
New: Audio version
[Classic post from 6-7-15]
When a relationship is new, we often delight in everything about the other. Yet at this place, we know very little, we see only a portion, and our positive feeling imagination fills in whatever blank is needed to be filled at the moment. What's not to like? We see only the good, or rather, only the things we are choosing to see.
As familiarity increases, we see quirks, idiosyncrasies, oddities that we were sure weren't there before and now are a surprise. Not only a surprise, but not desired, and taking portions of our infatuated vision away and replacing them with these undesirable characteristics.
Since we are demanding perfection, in our minds at least, is perfection something we are that we can offer the other in this relationship? Not likely, and since we cannot offer it, our demand for it in another is arrogant and childish at the same time.
Consider this beautiful lyric by Leonard Cohen: "Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."
It doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is. It could be parent and child, child and parent, two lovers, boss and employee, the board of directors and CEO, you name it. Is it fair for us to demand something we cannot offer?
Are We Loving With Conditions? Even Unrealistic Conditions? Conditions We Don't Offer Ourselves? Or, Can We Love Unconditionally?
Spread Some Joy Today--Just love. That is enough.