"Forgiveness is only necessary
when first there's blame."
-- Mike Dooley
[Classic post from 11-7-14]
Mike Dooley's latest book was just published late last month and I just finished it a few days ago. Although all the material I've accepted for some time, a different person explains things in a different way, and sometimes how I think I know something changes. Mike uses a lot of logic in his book, The Top Ten Things Dead People Want To Tell You, and the quote above jumped off the page at me as if it were screaming.
We've all been taught that it is good to forgive and that we should forgive others and also ourselves. Mike says that forgiveness is a lie, and that was an in-your-face kind of statement, challenging the old idea of 'it is a virtue to forgive.'
Since he is teaching a new understanding in his book, he says, "With understanding flooding your senses more and more, a new irony appears on your radar: Forgiveness is only necessary when first there's blame. The second lie needs the first lie. Withdraw the blame and forgiveness becomes a moot point."
He goes on to say, "To cast blame means to not understand that you create your own reality, and such a blind spot can rob you of your power to live deliberately today and in the future. It prevents you from accepting responsibility for shaping the rest of your life."
I have previously written about my take on forgiveness is letting go of the rope by just laying it down. The rope is the resistance or the struggle, and that struggle is mostly a struggle within ourselves. You could see the rope as what it really is, which is blame. Blame is the struggle, and Mike is right in that without that blame first, there is no need for forgiveness.
I know a few people who live their life so full of blame of others that there is no peace. They find it impossible to forgive and that is because they find it impossible to let go of the blame they feel. And truly, that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything on the outside. It is fully an internal struggle within themselves.
If you blame anyone for anything in your life, consider putting that tug-o-war rope down. Forget about forgiveness. When you drop the blame, there is no need for it.
"Within Every Situation, There Is Meaning, Order, Healing, And Love." -- Mike Dooley
Spread Some Joy Today--Joy is not something to seek and find. It is simply something to allow. It is your natural state.