"Example is not the main thing
in influencing others.
It is the only thing."
-- Albert Schweitzer
[Classic post from 5-8-14]
Yesterday I wrote about communications between people and how feelings are often not fully expressed. I also mentioned that by writing my feelings out that some additional clarity can be attained. Then at the end, I referred to a DVD that I watched that gave me another perspective on this idea of communication, dealing with feelings, and influence.
As I pondered all of this including the video, it seemed to me that so often when we are communicating to another in a relationship, whether it is a marriage, friendship, or even in business, influencing the other to our own desires is generally the goal. This seems particularly true when the other is not aligned with our thinking. As a result of this misalignment, we may experience hurt feelings, powerlessness, and even despair. This usually comes from the feelings unexpressed or held back. Hence, communicating them can lead to a more fluent relationship--at least on the surface.
In a marriage, and strangely enough, in all kinds of relationships, such as co-workers, salesperson and prospect, and more, we have expectations of what the other will think or do, and when those expectations are not met, we "feel" that misalignment. Then, we may try all kinds of things to try to influence them to be a certain way so that we can feel aligned. This is nothing new. It is going on all the time all around us and probably in our own relationships.
The problem for us or anyone is wanting or needing the other to align with us in order for us to feel a certain way. In other words, if you think this way and act this way, I'll be happy, and if you don't, I am not happy.
What I learned on the DVD is that our own alignment with our own intentions is the only thing that we can control. Trying, however creatively, to get others into alignment with us gives others power over us that leads to a wide variety of complications. In other words, if we have an intention of something being the way we want it to be, we need to hold to that intention rather than try to convince another to go along with us. Another way to say it is to concentrate on our own power and not try to get our power from the another.
Rather than trying to influence another to go along with us, our greatest influence will be in our own alignment with our own intentions. By focusing on the way we want things to be and feeling the power of that, and also the joy of that, regardless of the other person, is our greatest influence. We then become an example in such a way that others are influenced toward our intention.
By holding to our own intention as we allow another to be as they choose to be, loving them in whatever they choose, the relationship is enhanced in ways it could never have been before. In this way, we are loving the other in a more unconditional way as we love ourselves, aligned with our best intention and being a living example.
Stay True To Yourself.
Spread Some Joy Today--by aligning with your own best intentions.