"We judge others by their behavior.
We judge ourselves by our intentions."
-- Ian Percy
-- Ian Percy
Easily one of the most important things I have learned in my entire life, I have learned only in the last five years. Abraham-Hicks says it so well: "A belief that the behavior of others must be controlled--so that your observation of that good behavior will make you feel good--leaves you feeling vulnerable to their behavior."
I have learned that the other cannot make me angry or unhappy. Those feelings are mine and they did not create them. I did. Likewise, they cannot make me feel happy or good. Those feelings are mine and I created them. So for me to be angry with the other and lash out is not the least bit appropriate. I can feel my anger and then I need to decide what I will do about that feeling. For sure, it usually causes me to want to feel better. The job of moving myself there is purely up to me and cannot be achieved by another under any circumstances.
This knowledge is so powerful. It is tantamount to realizing that the Earth is round and not flat. Once I learn and can understand that concept, it is impossible to go back to believing it is flat. Same here. I can never go back to my old way of thinking, which was that other people caused me to feel good or bad and it wasn't my doing at all. If they felt good, I felt good. If they felt bad, I felt bad. If I felt good and they were angry, I would get angry or hurt, and so on.
Holy smokes! I look back on my two long marriages and I see me feeling crappy, trying to give some of that back by trying to be right (what man doesn't want to be right?), then feeling worse for striking back. Then of course, there were the good feelings of being in love and feeling good and thinking that my wife was causing me to feel good, and then something changed and it wasn't feeling so good, and well, you might relate to some of that.
It is my own alignment with my higher self, my inner being if you will, the God within me that is causing the feelings. If I am feeling bad or down it is because I am at odds with my internal knowing. If I am feeling good, I am in alignment. It is my emotional guidance system and now I know about it, understand how it works so masterfully, and that I am now able to know what to do so that I can feel good as much as I desire to and never have to go through those crazy, illogical peaks and valleys of emotion again.
I can't do anything about the past two relationships, other than love them now, but if and when there is a next, I will be in a completely different and far better place emotionally because of this knowledge. As Abraham-Hicks points out: "While it is nice to find things in your physical environment that enhance your good-feeling alignment with your Inner Being, your understanding of why you feel good will make it possible for you to feel good regardless of the behavior of others."
It is ultimately a position of unconditional love. If I understand myself, I am then able to choose to love others without them having to please me in any way, shape or form. When I can choose to feel good regardless of another feeling bad, that position of unconditional love will be the best that I could possible offer. And, even if they are not ready at the moment, it is there as a solid foundation of connection within.
Knowledge Is As Powerfully Positive As Appreciation, Joy, And Love. I Am Empowered In My Knowledge.
Spread Some Joy Today--Reach for a better feeling until you reach joy. Then give it away. As you do so, you will get more to give away.