"Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find
all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it."
With my increased awareness, I am finding that my joy and love is far more in letting go, or the releasing of my own resistance, than in trying to make it happen. I now believe that joy and love, or well being is our true natural state and that we have built all sorts of barriers that keep it under control and under wrap, almost as if we are trying to protect it.
Most of it comes from growing up and learning from those around us, and even within our families for so many of us. We see how people respond to us and when they are nice and when they are not and when they like us and when they do not and so on. We learn as we go, and in the absence of being taught how to let go of resistance, to accept that others may choose and that we may choose ourselves, we build walls and dig trenches and otherwise learn to fit in or be left out.
All of that learning then becomes habitual, and it is ongoing throughout our lives. This is true in our own brain and the self-talk that we are constantly listening to.
As I have become more aware of that self-talk, I find myself wanting so much to shut it off and the only way I can find is to focus on this moment, because the self-talk is about the past mainly, and predicting the future based on the past. Also, many of those thoughts, scenarios, and ramblings are so odd how they just pop in from many years ago.
I was walking the dog yesterday, and into my head pops a scenario from 2009 when I was doing a full-time consulting project with a truck dealer. As this played for only a few moments, I began defending myself on some decisions that I made as if the owner was calling me on them. He wasn't, but my ego was directing this and planning for the worst and desperately trying to overcome that in advance. As I said, it was only a few moments, and as I realized what was happening in my mind, I immediately focused on the trees around me, the blue sky, and came back to the present.
I now find myself doing this all the time. I cannot shut off the ego, and trying to change the thought from negative to positive is a lot of work, so releasing the resistance--and it is resistance because you can feel the tenseness in your body--is my goal and the path of least resistance or the easiest way is changing my focus to something around me in the now that is pleasant to look at.
This is also why my desk that I spend a lot of time at is facing a large window. I can look up at any moment and see the sky, trees, and other pleasant views and come back to the now at will. It doesn't take effort. It is much more a sense of letting go which is the opposite of effort.
I Am So Empowered Knowing All I Really Need Is To Put Down The Rope. Just Let Go.
Spread Some Joy Today--by looking around for things that please you and focus on them for a few moments. Then, find some more, and more. What a wonderful day it will be for you.