"You can't push on a rope."
-- Persian Proverb
"If someone throws you the ball,
you don't have to catch it."
-- Richard Carlson
[Classic post from 9-25-10]
This is another quote (pushing the rope) that I have grown so fond of. It indicates frustration or futility because as the visual image of the phrase suggests, you cannot push a rope as it is far too flexible; however, it can be pulled effectively.
The other quote indicates that we are each in control of what we choose to do and to whom and what we choose to respond to, or not respond to. I have used these in my life in several ways to help me make sense of things and to help change the way I feel. Where I used to feel guilty about not wanting to do something, now I don't feel that way. I don't have to catch the ball. I can choose to or not and the call is mine alone.
Where the rope is concerned, it has helped me to help others not swim upstream with me. For example, when I was a teenager, I took Judo lessons and in Judo, you learn how to dissipate your opponents energy by going with it a short way, but at the same time giving it guidance to keep you from harm. It's about balance and energy flow. So, back to the point, if someone is trying to blame me for something, rather than argue my point of view, I accept their assessment--I accept blame. It really doesn't matter to me that I am blamed or not blamed, what matters is diffusing the energy so I can still feel good instead of fighting and feeling bad.
It is amazing how often I have used this technique about the rope. People can only have power over you if you allow it to be so. When you become a rope, they cannot push you, their energy is diffused and they have little or no power to harm you. Now, I am pleased to discuss an issue and share points of view, but arguments incite bad feelings and good conclusions are an extremely rare thing. Refuse to participate in the argument and progress can be made if both parties desire to progress.
You might want to try this approach. It has been extremely effective for me. Next time someone--a spouse, parent, boss, supervisor, whatever wants an argument, become a rope and see what happens. Use your mental Judo and diffuse their energy. It's really kind of fun. I enjoy it immensely!
I Am As Flexible As A Rope And A Willing Dissenter.
Spread Some Joy Today--When someone is yelling at you, there is no requirement that you feel bad. Feel as good as you want to feel. You are not the one out of control. Be a rope.