"It is what it is."
-- An all too common phrase
A more productive and effective way to say this would be, "it is what I think it is." It isn't what it is. It is what we say it is. It is what we think it is. It is what we allow it to be.
I had another ah-ha moment yesterday. As I was walking Charlie, I realized that I was having a negative thought about a client who is almost completely non-communicative, and certainly unresponsive. It is in his best interests, and his business's best interest to respond. It's a simple issue and yet a powerful issue that needs to be dealt with, and I found myself lamenting about his lack of response to my emails, texts and calls one more time. I can't even tell you how many times I've had that thought because I just don't understand his seeming disinterest, but it has been many, many times in the last few months.
I feel obligated to help, and I want to help and be of service, and I feel crappy that I am ignored, as well as feeling sad and confused that he seems to be disinterested in responding.
Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever had a situation where you are trying to help someone and they've gone radio silent? Have you ever wanted your child to be happy because you cannot stand to see them struggling? Have you ever felt crappy about the lack of communication in a personal or romantic relationship? Have you ever wished things were different or better at work? These are all the same thing as what I've described about my customer because they are all focusing on and thinking about what-is. If I added all of these up that I've experienced in my life, that number would be huge.
And, the sad thing is that I know better now. I've learned from much study, and though I might teach it, write about it, remembering to use it in my life is sometimes a different animal.
I've remembered this before and even put a new sign on my wall: Is My Focus On What I Want? Today, I am reminded to actually look at it more and read it, because this is the issue at hand. I have been stuck in the muck and mire of focusing on what-is, lamenting what-is, rehashing what-is, reeling from what-is, and all the while I could be focusing on what I want instead. How much more effective do you suppose that would be? It's huge--a huge difference.
Today, I've awakened again, and I am changing my focus on this customer. I will see it how I want to see it. I will see him responding. I will see him appreciative of my efforts to serve him. I will see him interested, engaged, and helpful in my helping him. Each time the what-is may come popping into my head, I will use my Judo move and step aside and let it go flying by, and then refocus on the reality that I choose.
Then, today, I will pay attention to what-is from a more global perspective, and as I have thoughts about something, I will ask, is my focus on what I want? If it is, wonderful. If it is not, I will let it go by and point my focus where I want it to be so that I am receiving what I want.
It's funny how we think we have to accept what-is at face value. We don't. It's like when the telephone rings, we think we need to answer it. No. We don't. We can choose to answer it, or silence the ring. The tail doesn't wag the dog, and we could easily use that visual to see what-is as the tail, and us as the dog. No. We are in charge. I am in charge. I control what I choose to think, what I choose to see, how I choose to feel. I simply have to re-member, or re-connect with that knowledge and ability.
Maybe you have some what-is things trying to wag you. Join me in remembering that we are in control of our tail, not what-is. We need not bother, nor is is fruitful to try to abolish what-is. Just let it exist, but remain unattached to it. Let it come and let it go as fast as it comes. Then ask, is this what I want? If the answer is no, focus on what you want to see instead.
"Today, no matter where I'm going and no matter what I am doing, it is my dominant intent to see that which I am wanting to see." -- Abraham, Esther Hicks
Enjoy Your Experience Today! Choose Ones That Delight You!
Spread Some Joy Today--by choosing what you want rather than what may have been served you. Serve yourself.