"Keeping score of old scores and scars,
getting even and one-upping,
always makes you less than you are."
-- Malcolm Forbes
I was cruising through facebook a couple days ago and came across a question posted by a dear friend in case anyone wanted to answer. I just answered it without thinking about it much, then I looked at it later and was fascinated by all the answers.
Here was the question: "Is there a way to love and respect a person after they have deeply wounded you? Does forgiveness wash it all away?"
My response was this: "Yes. It is really simple. Holding on to hurt is resistance. It is like holding on tight to the tug-o-war rope and the opposing partner is unmoving. The harder you pull, the worse you feel and you are separated further. The simple solution and the only way to really forgive, it to just let go of the rope. It is over in an instant. There is one more challenge though. You must change how you view this person or situation. You need new eyes. Since your opponent has no power now that you've let go of the rope, your new eyes will see that the unmoving partner was yourself. And, it is not 7 times, but 70 times 7. You are loved, now love them."
It was interesting how some answered with justification for holding on to the hurt. Truth is, we can hold on as long as we choose to, and we can let go as fast as we choose to. It is, without a doubt, a choice. It is a view. It has a payoff for us or we wouldn't keep hanging on to it. It is a way for us to feel sorry for ourselves, or seek others to feel sorry for us if we disclose it, but whatever it is, the payoff exists. If there were no payoff or benefit to us, we wouldn't bother with it. We are always in full control when we choose to be--well, to be more clear, we are always in control REGARDLESS of whether the choice is conscious or unconscious.
Our opponent is generally thought of as someone else, but in reality when we see with our renewed vision, it is clear that our battle was only with ourselves.
If You Want To Analyze It, Seek To Find What The Payoff Is.
Spread Some Joy Today--There is joy and the lack of joy. Imagine going around today and spreading the lack of joy. Sounds like fun. . . or NOT! Choose joy!